The ROOF! The ROOF!

The ROOF is on fire! Well, not really. If the roof were on fire, I would be screaming like a little bitch and pushing my roommates out of the way with my road cases in an effort to evacuate my gear.

Demonstrating that Sri Lanka, Missouri, and other primitive, backward cultures don't have the market cornered on natural disaster, Los Angeles County is proud to present- Hillfire!

I awoke this morning at 5 AM (FIVE. MOTHERFUCKING. AY. EM.) with my sinuses killing me and the world smelling like a campfire. Determined to make use of this new and strange "morning" time, I went out to the Certamobile to head for a date with a couple of McDonald's Cinnamon Rolls. Mmmmm... a threesome with me and two sweet, warm, dripping... What? Anyhoo, the Passat was covered with a fine layer of ash. Surreal, yo.

On the positive side, I'm proud to report that in L.A. we ignore our poor people so thoroughly that we don't even BOTHER to threaten them with our large-scale natural disasters. Take THAT, New Orleans!

I really have no idea where this post is going.

Nerf.

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HOT iTunes Selections-

Forever Young & Forever Young and their gay cousins Big In Japan and One Night In Bangkok.

The Free Download this week is pretty rad too.

Quotes of the Day

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....
(Pause for breath)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

-mfdc, upon learning of the indictment of Republi-Criminal Tom Delay.

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"If you hurt a guy's feelings, there's a chance you might bounce back and truly be 'just friends.' But if you hurt a guy's pride, forget it, you're fucked."

-mfdc

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"You're a moron and your dog is gay, too."

-mfdc

Operation: Serial Number

Buying gear is fun. Accurate record-keeping is not so fun. However, as a concession to the persistent nagging of the IRS, Insurance Adjusters, Mom, and Deebo, I have to decided, temporarily at least, to bite the bullet and be a Responsible Adult.

To that end, I have initiated Operation: Serial Number.

Step 1- "Decide How To Write All This Shit Down"

My initial idea was to create a Simple Text document and just start typing. But then I started thinking, "Wouldn't it be cool if there was a way that the information could be organized by Manufacturer, and maybe have separate columns for Replacement Cost and Serial Number, and OOH, include pictures of my sweet gear... you know, like some sort of spreadbase or datasheet or something?"

Then the idea lightbulb above my head flared into brilliant incandescence-

"I bet they have that stuff for computers now! Quick, to the Certamobile!"

(Insert grainy stock footage of the Passat roaring out of my Underground Bunker in the foothills of Burbank accompanied by the "Theme From 'Shaft'")

A quick trip to Comp USA later, I'm installing Appleworks 6.2 and feeling like a multi-tasking, synergistic efficiency machine. I open it up, choose "New Spreadsheet Document," and encounter this-



What the fuck is this?

There are times like this when never having had a real job can be a fucking detriment. My dad, bless him, even tried to get me interested in these kinds of things back in the day on his Radio Shack TRS 80. But did I listen? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I was watching professional wrestling and eating Golden Grahams out the box.

(Q: What're you gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on YOU?
A: Not create a spreadsheet.)

Instead, I closed the White Boxes of Capitalism and tried "New Database Document." BINGO! Pretty soon I was "Defining Fields" and adjusting "Layouts" to my heart's content. Yeah. Who's hot?

Step 2- "Write All This Shit Down"

OK, so step 2 is boring and self-explanatory.

I hope to be done with Operation: Serial Number soon so I can go back to using some REAL business software-

Arachnid Insurgent

Q: What has 8 legs and is a vicious, evil cunt?

A: Mother's Day at the Bush ranch.

-and-

This little fucker-



I executed the insurgent without trial.

Haiku of the Day

The South once again
is Mother Nature's cumrag.
Hurricane Rita

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At McDonald's, some guy came up to me and said, "Hey man, could I borrow a dollar? I'm across the street getting gas..." I briefly glanced at the $4.00 pack or Marlboro Reds in his shirt pocket and said "No."

Should I feel something?

Shopping

Why is there more than one brand of toilet-paper?

iTunes- Substitute For A Real Blog Entry

I've been, as you can no doubt tell, pretty fucking brain-dead when it comes to blog-entries lately. Between work and Katrina Overload, my mind is filled with a distracted randomocity that even seems weird to ME. And that's weird, kids.

Even my FEMA Haikus just make me sad.

I hope Michael Brown
tosses Joe Stalin's salad
in Hell forever.

Ho Hum.

So in lieu of a real journal entry, I'll fall back on the old standby of listing thing I've bought on iTunes!

Maria
I know it's from a reunion album, but it's still rad.

Edge of Seventeen
Stand Back
I swear to God until about 4 days ago, I thought the chorus was "Just like the ONE-winged dove..." Seriously.

Hungry
No real explanation.

Like a Prayer
Cherish
Material Girl
Oddly enough, I didn't yet own these. Now I do. Woot.

Islands in the Stream
This purchase resulted from a conversation where a friend put forward the hypothesis that "In the 70's, even SHITTY music was good!"

So Jealous
This has become one of my favorite newish-music thingies in a long while.

Rock The Fuck On!

And if you haven't yet-

www.redcross.org
www.musicforrelief.com

STILL Busy

Busy

Notes To Self-

Notes To Self-

1. Million Dollar Idea- "MILF's Doing Cardio" video series.

2. Find a way to ask Fer to correct my typo on the front page of dc.com without his head exploding. Shards of skull might hit The Bean. Babies should not be pelted with sharp pieces of their father's cranium.

3. SMELL. THE MILK. FIRST. SERIOUSLY.

4. Bring Otis to work.

That is all.

Haiku(s) of the Day- Brain Droppings

Writer's block is GAY.
My haikus make the bitches
wet like New Orleans.

It's sweet that FEMA's
completely inadequate.
Tax cuts for the rich!

Dear The Fuck-Faces,
Could you stop shooting at the
hospitals? Thanks, guys.

The five-seven-five
and the 818, bitches.
SFV fo' life.