Haiku of the Day

It's a late, LATE night.
Riddle me this, shit-biscuit:
Sleep in or work out?

Quote of the Day

"I organize my receipts using "The Box System," which I guess is not so much of a system, but more of a... um, box."

-mfdc

Haiku of the Day

R.I.P. Bob Moog
The Good Lord will not blame you
for shitty synth-pop.

Quote of the Day

"I've found the best revenge is living well. That, and maintaining a frosty indifference."

-mfdc

Classic? Or Just Shit?

I'd like to revisit a subject I've touched on only briefly before in these pages.

When you were in High School and College, did your English or Literature teachers try to convince you that some steaming pile of pus-infused dogshit was actually a "Classic?" Were phrases like "needs to be taken in the context of its time" and "The Sir Lord-Alfred Wimbleberry IV translation is considered definitive" used to aggrandize the worthless shitheap?

Considered the 'Best Novel Ever Written' by many scholars who need to get out more, "The Brothers Karamazov" ranks #1 on the MFDC List of Worst Books Of All Time.

Here's my synopsis-

------

"The Brothers Karamazov" by Fyodor Dostoevsky

"My name is Alyosha, and I'm a complete retard!" cried Alyosha.

"I, too, am a complete retard!" cried Dmitri. "A loud, broke retard!" amended Dmitri.

"I'm a walking cliche, but only if you're familiar with the Russian peasant culture that existed during the time this novel was written!" cried Fyodor.

(Fyodor is murdered. Dmitri questions the nature of man and God for 8 MILLION FUCKING PAGES.)

"I'm going to Siberia!" cried Dmitri. "OH FUCK!" he exclaimed.

THE END

-----

And there you have it. There really is not much else to it than that.

It's difficult to believe that Fyodor Dostoevsky is the same man who wrote "Crime And Punishment," which is perhaps the most captivating and accurate portrayal of flawed human nature ever committed to paper. The "context of its time" is irrelevant; the themes of "C & P" are universal. The only reason to pick up a book by a Russian author is because you want to feel absolutely fucking miserable, so if you're looking for a good downer I recommend it.

But then again, what do I know? I actually liked "Atlas Shrugged."

MFDC Synopsis of "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand-

Who is John Galt?

"Um, I am," said John Galt while lighting his new cigarette off the one he just finished. "I am an uber-capitalist stud and I will make the world safe for free trade among people just as impossibly perfect as I am. I will also give Dagny, the female protagonist, the kind of sexual thrashing that Ayn is so clearly missing in her life. Oh, and smoking is good for you."

THE END

iTune, Therefore iAm!

New iTunes stuff:

THe iTunes Music store just added the ABKCO Music back-catalogue. That's some fun shit, like early Stones, The Animals, The Ronnettes, and even Herman's Hermits if you're totally gay.

I picked up these 3 babies from The Animals-

House of the Rising Sun
Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
We Gotta Get Out of This Place

They also added the entire Frank Zappa catalog! I have pretty much all the Frank I need, but strangely my collection was lacking his biggest hit, "Valley Girl." Not any more! You're, like, Lord God King Bufu. Fersure, fersure!

In a completely unrelated 80's Cheez note, I also bought Heart's "These Dreams" and Fine Young Cannibals' "She Drives Me Crazy." Wait a minute... who was I calling totally gay?

Beefcake of Habit

I went Shopping yesterday. It's only something I do once or MAYBE twice a year, so I feel it worthy of a journal update. Well, that, plus I'm going through one of my periodic creative dry spells and this is the best shit I can come up with.

I needed some motherfucking New Jeans. My one remaining pair of Old Jeans developed a hole in the knee. That is not a tragedy in itself, but it did make it a hell of a lot more difficult to hide the fact that most of the time I pretty much just wear the same fucking pair of jeans every day. BEING gauche is fine, but APPEARING gauche... not cool.

After dinner, I hopped in my sweet ride and headed down to the Burbank Mall and made a beeline for Sears. Don't look at me like that. I have a Sears Card and take a perverse delight in using it. Hot Topic is for scenester bitches.

As I was trying on different pairs of jeans I rediscovered a couple of things about myself-

1. I am a magnificent slab of beefcake. This is a pretty common realization among recording engineers, with all the long hours working outdoors in the sun doing heavy lifting and beating up lumberjacks. We tend to be a well-tanned, rugged lot that nourish ourselves with venison that we track down and kill with our bare hands.

2. I am a creature of habit. I had tried on about 5 pairs of jeans before I found what I liked- Levi's 505 Regular Fit, W-36 L-32. While I was putting back on my old jeans I glanced at the tag for the first time and was not surprised to see that they were Levi's 505 Regular Fit, W-36 L-32.

I also bought a belt with a shiny buckle. It's REVERSIBLE.

Quote of the Day

(OK, so I've got nothing for you today. But I have to put SOMETHING up... the thought of letting all 3 of you down makes me sad. Ergo, I will quote someone else for the "Quote of the Day" and provide a funny link.)

"I know, you're wondering why am I using a slimy loophole to appoint a morally compromised fatty with a greasy moustache who'd sell the Constitution down the River Styx if I told him to? Because I fucking can, you rot-cunt motherfuckers."

-President Bush, by way of whitehouse.org.

Haiku of the Day

I'm in a zone where
profundity eludes me
Go read Deebo's blog.

Haiku of the Day

I've convinced myself
that clutter is "artistic."
Sweet self-delusion!

-mfdc