Charlotte's Web Of LIES
I fucking HATE spiders.
Charlotte's Web is a perfect example of the Liberal Media run rampant. This piece of leftist propaganda tries to paint spiders as an essential and beneficial spoke in The Great Wheel Of Life, whereas in fact spiders are disgusting, filthy little fuckers who are vicious, bloodsucking killers (like vampires and women.)
Burbank is Spider City. I lived in Hollywood for a brief period of time, and while it was (and is) a fetid cesspool populated with the sad, desperate humanity that thrives on rejection and false hopes, and least there weren't that many spiders. Icky!
Intrepid arachnids have spent most of the summer making homes amongst the foliage in the front of our house. These are not garden-variety daddy long-leg spiders, these are big, fat, DANGEROUS-looking beasties. I suppose I could search the internet for accurate information on precisely what kind of spiders they are, but frankly I don't care. Having at least partially bought into the PC view that spiders are necessary for ecological balance, we have existed together only by observing an uneasy truce.
That truce was broken tonight. On my way out the door to get some Wienerschnitzel, I stopped in horror as I saw that some 8-legged fucker had built a web RIGHT ACROSS THE WALKWAY. NOTHING comes between me and my fast food. Nothing.
MFDC had to regulate.
I went back in for my trusty can of Raid. I have an affection for Raid dating back to my college days when I moved into some particularly noxious student housing. I sprayed so much of that shit that my roommate's mom tried to hide the can from me because I would cause everyone "brain damage." (Bullshit- as you can no doubt tell, I'm PERFECTLY normal.)
I sprayed the fucker who had built the web across the pathway. It all came back to me. "Unscented" Raid definitely has a smell... the sweet smell of Death. Emboldened, I proceeded to spray every fucking spider in sight, killing them dead while the fine spray turned their webs, temporarily, into things of misty beauty.
The Arachnid Genocide Of 2005 felt GOOD.
Charlotte's Web is a perfect example of the Liberal Media run rampant. This piece of leftist propaganda tries to paint spiders as an essential and beneficial spoke in The Great Wheel Of Life, whereas in fact spiders are disgusting, filthy little fuckers who are vicious, bloodsucking killers (like vampires and women.)
Burbank is Spider City. I lived in Hollywood for a brief period of time, and while it was (and is) a fetid cesspool populated with the sad, desperate humanity that thrives on rejection and false hopes, and least there weren't that many spiders. Icky!
Intrepid arachnids have spent most of the summer making homes amongst the foliage in the front of our house. These are not garden-variety daddy long-leg spiders, these are big, fat, DANGEROUS-looking beasties. I suppose I could search the internet for accurate information on precisely what kind of spiders they are, but frankly I don't care. Having at least partially bought into the PC view that spiders are necessary for ecological balance, we have existed together only by observing an uneasy truce.
That truce was broken tonight. On my way out the door to get some Wienerschnitzel, I stopped in horror as I saw that some 8-legged fucker had built a web RIGHT ACROSS THE WALKWAY. NOTHING comes between me and my fast food. Nothing.
MFDC had to regulate.
I went back in for my trusty can of Raid. I have an affection for Raid dating back to my college days when I moved into some particularly noxious student housing. I sprayed so much of that shit that my roommate's mom tried to hide the can from me because I would cause everyone "brain damage." (Bullshit- as you can no doubt tell, I'm PERFECTLY normal.)
I sprayed the fucker who had built the web across the pathway. It all came back to me. "Unscented" Raid definitely has a smell... the sweet smell of Death. Emboldened, I proceeded to spray every fucking spider in sight, killing them dead while the fine spray turned their webs, temporarily, into things of misty beauty.
The Arachnid Genocide Of 2005 felt GOOD.
posted by MFDC at 10:52 PM
3 Comments:
Good for you man! Score one for Mankind! I chased this hairy little fucker across the kitchen last night...he run under the fridge...I swear I heard them plotting against me last night. I will find him and squish him in front of his friends as a warning to them all!
I can't BELIEVE that spider had the gumption to build a fast-food cockblocking web while Otis was on watch. That would scary the holy living shit out of me. Clearly, that spider had some BALLS.
The only other explanation would be that Otis was distracted. Knowing his penchant for porn, I recommend you check your credit cards for any recent subscriptions to www.plushies.com or the like.
Otis is a beast of strong appetites.
Dude, I was just trying to wrap my love around your house, you big babyhead.
Ms. Spider
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