Saturday, July 30, 2005

Vinylhosen

I ran into mastering engineer extraordinaire Dieter Kommschmacher at the gym today. The Cars "You're All I've Got Tonight" had just come up on the Shuffle when I noticed Dieter happily straining away on the Leg Tech "Butt-Blaster."

"Hey, Dieter!," I said. "Ass is lookin' good! What have you been working on?"

"Johnny Five." (Grunt) "Wieder."

"Really?"

"Wirklich. Das Projekt ist auf so langes gegangen, daß ich eine überholte Version des Retrospect verwenden muß, um Backup, zu bilden zu halten!" (Particularly hearty grunt.) "Aber, da Hasselhoff heraus ein Album nicht in eine lange Zeit eingesetzt hat, kann ich die Arbeit benutzen. Meinen gesamten Personal zu halten ausgestattet mit Vinylhosen ist- kostspielig!" (Grunt)

Dieter went on to pontificate, at CONSIDERABLE length, about gas prices, the scarcity of analog tape, the superiority of Olivier's 'Hamlet' compared to that sniveling upstart Kenneth Branagh, his deep suspicion about the existence of "weather," and the injustice of a world without a "Welcome Back, Kotter" movie adaption.

Actually, I don't speak German, but I'm pretty sure that's what he was talking about. Right about then I noticed how awkward it was for me to be talking to a grown man while he was using the Leg Tech "Butt-Blaster."

----

Exteremely Random iTunes Binge-

Elvis Costello
Hall & Oates
Sarah McLachlan
Bo Diddley
The Crickets

----

Friday, July 29, 2005

What?

Not much new here.

How are you?

----

EDIT:

Clusterfuck Suck-Tunnel's new hit sensation, "Get Busy, Bitch (Cuz This Thing Won't Suck Itself)" will be going for radio adds next week.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Haiku(s) of the Day

Check out this sweet link,
courtesy of C.J. Sorg-
Porn Review Haiku!
-----
Congratulations
to the Rockdog on the birth
of the Rockpuppy!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Not So New-Music Tuesday

Ho Hum. It's Tuesday, so once again my wonderful industry is releasing a bunch of future coasters for an indifferent public to yawn at and not buy. Time to hit iTunes!

Here's what I got today-

The quintessential cowbell classic (Don't Fear) The Reaper. For undisclosed reasons, this version now seems fucking FAST.

I'm glad I rediscovered Tesla and their mullets-

Heaven's Trail (No Way Out)
Love Song
Modern Day Cowboy

This is a neglected Bon Jovi gem-

Something for the Pain

I was most surprised by California Dreamin' by Queen Latifah. Fucking SWEET. I was recommended I Put a Spell on You as a song to reference for a mix I was doing. I LOVED that shit and bought both.

I'm going to the Post Office today. Pray for me.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Charlotte's Web Of LIES

I fucking HATE spiders.

Charlotte's Web is a perfect example of the Liberal Media run rampant. This piece of leftist propaganda tries to paint spiders as an essential and beneficial spoke in The Great Wheel Of Life, whereas in fact spiders are disgusting, filthy little fuckers who are vicious, bloodsucking killers (like vampires and women.)

Burbank is Spider City. I lived in Hollywood for a brief period of time, and while it was (and is) a fetid cesspool populated with the sad, desperate humanity that thrives on rejection and false hopes, and least there weren't that many spiders. Icky!

Intrepid arachnids have spent most of the summer making homes amongst the foliage in the front of our house. These are not garden-variety daddy long-leg spiders, these are big, fat, DANGEROUS-looking beasties. I suppose I could search the internet for accurate information on precisely what kind of spiders they are, but frankly I don't care. Having at least partially bought into the PC view that spiders are necessary for ecological balance, we have existed together only by observing an uneasy truce.

That truce was broken tonight. On my way out the door to get some Wienerschnitzel, I stopped in horror as I saw that some 8-legged fucker had built a web RIGHT ACROSS THE WALKWAY. NOTHING comes between me and my fast food. Nothing.

MFDC had to regulate.



I went back in for my trusty can of Raid. I have an affection for Raid dating back to my college days when I moved into some particularly noxious student housing. I sprayed so much of that shit that my roommate's mom tried to hide the can from me because I would cause everyone "brain damage." (Bullshit- as you can no doubt tell, I'm PERFECTLY normal.)

I sprayed the fucker who had built the web across the pathway. It all came back to me. "Unscented" Raid definitely has a smell... the sweet smell of Death. Emboldened, I proceeded to spray every fucking spider in sight, killing them dead while the fine spray turned their webs, temporarily, into things of misty beauty.

The Arachnid Genocide Of 2005 felt GOOD.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Script Idea

I am, for some reason, still in severe brain-cramp mode. So while I zone out to this, why don't you peeps who have all been writing blog-novels and shit expand on this-

"MFDC- Crime-Solving Engineer"

Premise-
Enigmatic, sexy recording engineer MFDC thwarts the plans of various Master Criminals using his sweet Pro Tools skills and an SM 57.

Go!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Quote of the Day

"Suckling at the Internet teat of the self-appointed Audio Illuminati is not, in fact, an acceptable substitute for experience."

- and -

"This is not 'Art;' this is 'Shit.' It will be competing in a Marketplace of Shit where success is gauged by the degree to which Your Shit resembles Everyone Else's Shit."

-mfdc

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Haiku of the Day

My sweet Benjamins,
the old cliche is bullshit!
You buy happiness!

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Cher-ing Is Caring!

The amount of talk circulating about Cher around my personal blogosphere lately led me to the iTunes Music Store to unearth this little gem:

Your Dumb Ass Wouldn't Know Love If It Came Up To You And Set Fire To Your Pubes

This baby has it ALL... reverb, more reverb, a guitar solo, background vocal stacks, and the infamous one-note-keyboard-in-the-chorus trick!

I've entered one of my occasional periods of busyness, but all of my online peeps are writing hilarious shit nowadays to cover my slack.

I DID make a funny today, though.

"Oh yeah, _____ is the Karl Rove of Audio, just without all the career success."

But since it's an inside joke you don't get it, do you?

DO YOU?

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Quote of the Day

"I just don't get it when people bitch about L.A. and say they 'miss the seasons.' I DO NOT miss the seasons. In fact, FUCK the seasons."

-mfdc

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Haiku of the Day

Yessir, it's Tuesday.
Burbank Parking Enforcement
is very thorough.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Face-lift. NOT an Ass-lift. The Ass Remains The Same!

As you can see, I'm incorporating my blogger account into the Journal. Well, I'M not doing any incorporating at all. Fer is. But this is Hollywood, and taking credit for other people's hard work is how we roll.

Talking shit about people is ALSO how we roll, so I'm delighted to point out that "The Lounge" link in the main navigation bar doesn't work. It's OK, though. Deebo, Rockdog and I will temporarily find other accommodations. Fer has to do stuff like "work" to "make money" to "feed his baby." Whatever.

I'll be doing some experimenting in the coming days with some pictures and other fun sorts of blog-jelly. (Again, in Hollywood fashion I'm TOTALLY taking credit for the phrase "blog-jelly.") I call this Masterpiece "Blurry-Ass Fucking Sidecar."



If you have a burning desire to re-visit the glory days of "Cunt On A Phone" or "President Bush: Complete Fucktard," there is a link to the old journal to your right.

Thanks for playing!