The Lord Jesus Doesn't Want Me To Work Out

When I first started going back to the gym, I bought a sweet-ass lock that used letters instead of numbers for the combination. Naturally, I programmed the combination to be C-U-N-T.

I LOST IT. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

Even before I lost The Cunt Lock™, I left my bottle of water at home, an engine light went off in my car, and then not one but TWO douche-nozzles ganked Bally's parking spots from me.

Thank God for $5.99 bottles of shiraz from Ghetto Ralph's in NoHo.

AND? I got a USB-hub shaped like a motherfucking TARDIS. Eat my shit, Despair!