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MFDC Buys A Suit

The last time I bought a suit was in 1992. In fact the FIRST time I bought a suit was in 1992. It was for the Homecoming dance that year, and I think I got it at Sears. My hair was down to my shoulders, my glasses were thick, and dammit, I looked GOOD.

Fast forward 15(!) years, and the I'm accompanying MFDG on the last stop of the the Everyone On Earth Is Getting Married Tour '07™, which led to the following exchange-

MFDG- "You need a suit for Cindy's wedding."

MFDC- "Why?"

MFDG- "Because the men will be wearing suits."

MFDC- "Huh?"

MFDG- "A suit. AND. TIE."

MFDC- "Can I write it off?"

MFDG- "Get in the car."

So we hopped in the Passat and headed to the one place I would feel comfortable buying a suit. A place where a man with dulcet tones and a sweet beard has assured me in countless television commercials that "You'll like the way you look." The Man- George Zimmer. The Place- Men's Warehouse.



A nice man with a nice suit helped us. MFDG took great pains to explain to him that my usual attire was jeans and t-shirts, that I would likely only wear the suit once, our general price range, and Oh, it should be Charcoal Grey. The nice man in the nice suit nodded and smiled and pulled the appropriate items off of the racks. I tried them on, and a nice lady measured the arms and legs and made chalk marks (for "alterations," whatever those are.)

Next, shirt and tie combinations. The nice man brought out a selection of shirts and ties, some of which were blue. Now longtime readers will know how I feel about blue button-down shirts. I spent years scraping and clawing, mercilessly demoralizing and destroying competitors, working 12-hour days and 7-day weeks making Hits For The Kids™, all for the right to NEVER. EVER. Wear a blue button-down shirt. And I DON'T. Bitches.

Once I picked a couple of nice earth-tone shirts and a neutral-ish tie, we checked out and the nice man in the nice suit told us to come by on June 18 to pick up the "altered" suit.

You know what else happens on June 18? My triumphant return to the Los Angeles County Criminal Justice System in "Jury Duty 2: Eat My Justice."