Dr. Goebbels and My Fucking Teeth
I am an Anti-Dentite.
A startling admission, I'm sure, coming from a self-described "proud liberal." I think even the most PC individual has a side of themselves they keep well hidden, a place where long-held prejudices live on long after we've convinced ourselves they've been excised.
Like most virulent haters, I've said things like "But I really liked this ONE dentist I had..." in order to make myself look more reasonable and and open-minded.
The truth is, though, I am the Ann Coulter of dentistry. Except without the huge Adam's apple. And, unlike Ann, I acknowledge that I have a penis. Also, I don't call for the deaths of Supreme Court Justices because they've upheld the Constitutional rights of dentists or wish out loud that Timothy McVeigh had bombed the offices of Dentistry Magazine. Nor am I a best-selling author or a batshit-crazy looney-tune Republi-Nazi freak.
Anyhoo.
A piece of my rear-most bottom-left molar chipped away a few days ago while I was chewing some Orbit Lemon-Lime Sugarless Gum. Since my token "good dentist" is back in Merrillville, Indiana, I made an appointment with "Dr. Goebbels."
"Dr. Goebbels" is the name I've given my Burbank dentist. I first visited him a 4 or 5 years ago when I got my very first cavity, which revealed itself when I was biting down on some Nerds. Dr. Goebbels did competent work, but it was the it was the constant Dentionist PROPAGANDA that drove me nuts.
"You really SHOULD schedule an appointment every six months..."
"The best dental care is PREVENTION..."
"No, seeing a dentist every 5 years is not enough..."
And then the phone calls started.
"Daniel, this is Eva from Dr. Goebbels' office, and we wanted to remind you that it's time to make an appointment..."
"Daniel, this is Magda from Dr. Goebbels' office, have you found another Dental Provider? We haven't seen you in 2 years..."
Eventually, I disconnected my landline and the calls stopped, but not before I was scarred permanently.
So it's with great trepidation that I step into The Office once again to have my new trouble looked at. And then? I'll make an appointment in another 4 or 5 years. If Dr. Goebbels doesn't like it, he can take his perfect teeth and BITE ME.
A startling admission, I'm sure, coming from a self-described "proud liberal." I think even the most PC individual has a side of themselves they keep well hidden, a place where long-held prejudices live on long after we've convinced ourselves they've been excised.
Like most virulent haters, I've said things like "But I really liked this ONE dentist I had..." in order to make myself look more reasonable and and open-minded.
The truth is, though, I am the Ann Coulter of dentistry. Except without the huge Adam's apple. And, unlike Ann, I acknowledge that I have a penis. Also, I don't call for the deaths of Supreme Court Justices because they've upheld the Constitutional rights of dentists or wish out loud that Timothy McVeigh had bombed the offices of Dentistry Magazine. Nor am I a best-selling author or a batshit-crazy looney-tune Republi-Nazi freak.
Anyhoo.
A piece of my rear-most bottom-left molar chipped away a few days ago while I was chewing some Orbit Lemon-Lime Sugarless Gum. Since my token "good dentist" is back in Merrillville, Indiana, I made an appointment with "Dr. Goebbels."
"Dr. Goebbels" is the name I've given my Burbank dentist. I first visited him a 4 or 5 years ago when I got my very first cavity, which revealed itself when I was biting down on some Nerds. Dr. Goebbels did competent work, but it was the it was the constant Dentionist PROPAGANDA that drove me nuts.
"You really SHOULD schedule an appointment every six months..."
"The best dental care is PREVENTION..."
"No, seeing a dentist every 5 years is not enough..."
And then the phone calls started.
"Daniel, this is Eva from Dr. Goebbels' office, and we wanted to remind you that it's time to make an appointment..."
"Daniel, this is Magda from Dr. Goebbels' office, have you found another Dental Provider? We haven't seen you in 2 years..."
Eventually, I disconnected my landline and the calls stopped, but not before I was scarred permanently.
So it's with great trepidation that I step into The Office once again to have my new trouble looked at. And then? I'll make an appointment in another 4 or 5 years. If Dr. Goebbels doesn't like it, he can take his perfect teeth and BITE ME.
posted by MFDC at 12:55 PM
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